The Plight of Neelix
by SerDavos
Summary: There is an explosion on Voyager...from Neelix's room.
1. Chapter 1

"Paris, what is our status?" questioned Janeway

"There is an M-clas-" A huge boom echoed through the ship, throwing the captain, and the rest of the crew in random directions. Flying into opposite ends of the rooms limbs flailing around like rag dolls, heads crashing into consols. A vent exploded from the ceiling gushing a fog-like gas into the room.

"Red alert!" screamed Janeway as she crawled back into her seat. Lights dimmed as power diverted to shields. The room filling with an intimidating red gloom.

"What the hell is going on?" gasped Chakotay

"I don't know" replied Tuvok, "our scans read no enemy ships, or life forms, It seems the explosion originated from _within_ the ship."

"Where?" returned Janeway.

"I'm doing a full diagnostic now" replied ensign Kim. A tense second passed, highlighted only by the fierce look Janeway gave through her tussled hair, and the obscene gushing from the overhead vent. "The explosion originated from Neelix's quarters." Stated Tuvok, breaking the silence. Janeway looked over to Tuvok, a look of confusion on her face.

"W-what?" she paused to dramatically roll her eyes

"What did he do this time" she sighed

"that useless stowaway" chided Paris. Receiving a sharp glance from Ensign Kim, he returned to his consol, toying with the buttons attempting to look useful.

Janeway tapped her receiver, creating an instant intercom with the rest of the ship "Security to Neelix's quarters"

"I should go with them" replied Tuvok.

The hallway curved in front of him, his feet tapping on the grey carpet, Tuvok walked briskly toward Neelix's quarters, a look of disquiet written plainly on his face. He was being followed by two grim faced security crewmen dressed in sharp black and yellow, directly on his heels. Neelix's door began to come into view a few meters down the hall.

Tuvok upon arriving at the door, pushed the ringer, his fingernail turning white with the pressure. After a moment he was answered with two loud beeps, the Starfleet signal for no. "Computer, locate Neelix" stated Tuvok in a casual manner. He was answered by a female voice "Neelix is in his quarters"

"Interesting" thought Tuvok aloud, "Computer.. open Neelix's quarters" He was answered by an objection from the computer. "Override" he was answered again, but this time by two high pitched beeps, granting him entry, But the door would not open, although the computer had given him access. "This is not logical" grumbled Tuvok, half annoyed, crewmen assist me in opening the door. The eager men jumped to the door like they were walk on roles in a t.v. show and this was their big shot, dramatically pulling at the door with seemingly all of their strength. Slightly confused at their lack of ability Tuvok pushed them aside, placing his fingers between the crack of the door. Creaking with strain the door finally gave in.

Tuvok was met with a wave of orange liquid, blasting him and the other crewmen to the floor with a thud. The liquid poured from the room continuously, a seemingly endless flood of Goop. Tuvok rose from the floor, soaked from head to toe in a thick substance that clung to his body.

"Tuvok to sickbay, send Doc up here immediately."

"On my way" the doctor replied

"You might want to be here as well captain" Stated Tuvok.

At that moment something caught Tuvok's eye a piece of badly cut mullet, sticking out of the goop, attached to what seemed to be either an ugly tattoo, or snake skin.

"How... interesting" said Tuvok in a half amused tone.


	2. The investigation Part 1

Neatly polished shoes paced back and forth, making light indentations in the soft grey carpet, Tuvok in his newly replicated uniform puzzled over the situation. "Captain, I do not understand how it happened… logically it should have been some sort of crack in the hull, which led to the implosion of Mr. Neelix"

"Well obviously that isn't the case, we've scoured that room floor to ceiling, not to mention the three weeks it took to scrub all of that orange crap out of the walls and carpet." Stumbled Janeway, a blustered expression painted on her face

"Captain…" Replied Tuvok, slightly confused

"Sorry Tuvok" Replied Janeway "Its just that I don't know why we're… never mind this whole thing is giving me such a headache" She said as she rubbed furiously at her temples. "What are your other reports?"

"Lieutenant Torres and most of the cleanup team remain in sickbay. The doctor indicated that it is not serious, it seems they are all suffering from extreme nausea"

Janeway struggled to maintain a straight face, a mixture of extreme frustration and amusement boiling at the surface.

"I will continue with my own investigation of the incident" replied Tuvok, a blank expression dominating his face.

"Yes, yes of course… you are dismissed" Tuvok left with a swift nod, leaving Janeway to her solitude. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling in a fierce eye roll. "Coffee, black" Janeway almost screamed at the computer. "That worthless sack of orange juice has stalled me for a month, if I don't figure out what happened to him soon I'm just going to move on."

"Paris to the captain"

"What is it?" Snapped Janeway

"I've been doing some research on Talaxian physiology, apparently Mr. Tuvok has been keeping something from us."

"I'll be right there" Janeway responded, tapping off her receiver. The familiar hallway bent in front of her, hugging the hull of the ship. Upon reaching the section outside of former Neelix's quarters, the smell hit her like a brick, swiping her neutral expression off of her face and oozing it into a scowl. A large now brown stain covered the walls and carpet. A few crewmen lingered, scrubbing the floor furiously oxygen masks buckled tightly to their faces, the straps leaving red lines on their cheeks. Nose wrinkling, Janeway jumped from spot to spot tiptoeing to the other side of the obscene stain.

The seconds passed agonizingly slow as she walked calmly away from the hallway, attempting to show a sense of constraint to the crewmen. She entered sickbay with a gasp. "Remind me never to allow another Talaxian on my ship!" exclaimed Janeway. She was answered by Harry chuckling at his consol.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, I was sure someth—" He was cut off by the fierce look on Torres' face, her having laid incapacitated on a medical bed, the doctor poking her with various instruments for hours, attempting to look like he knew what he was doing. The Doctor was surprised at the fact that they had not realized that all he was, was a walking dictionary. Usually he could avoid suspicion if he rambled out a few medical terms and injected them with a sedative. But this time he was under strict supervision with this ridiculous Imploding Talaxian business. At first he tried to write it off as cabin pressure, but since at this point that has been proven untrue, he had pushed much of the responsibility on one of his idiotic subordinates, Harry. This also took him by surprise that someone who was about as intelligent as the hypo spray in his hand… could hold a position as a bridge officer. "Harry shut up and get me another coffee" blurted Janeway

"Yes ma'am" replied Harry as he bolted out of his seat

"Captain… your coffee is full" A second later he laughed "No wonder he will never be promoted" chided the doctor

The tension built up in Janeway's body released itself in a stream of laughter, for some reason it always made her feel better to show Harry how worthless he really is.

"Where is Paris?" asked Janeway

"I don't know, he was in here with Torres just a minute ago" The Doctor said as he turned to check on Torres. To their horror they both noticed b'elanna's bed empty.

"Computer locate B'ellana and Paris" commanded Janeway

"B'ellana and Paris are both in Jefferies tube 8" responded the computer

"DAMNIT!" they both screamed.


	3. The Investigation Part 2

Tuvok, strutted authoritatively through the mess hall, feet pounding on the floor, announcing his presence stopping only to notice a group of crewmen joking about the recent incident, mostly complaining about the stench "at least we don't have to eat that shitty food" exclaimed one of the more eccentric crewmen, replied with mutual agreement and laughter. "the bastard stunk up the holodecks... and they are a level _below_ his room!"

Shortly after leaving the mess hall, Tuvok decided to stop by Sick Bay, upon entering he was barraged by a terrible noise, hideous, loud and un-tasteful. It caused him to cringe as if nails were scraping on a chalkboard it was a repetitive noise, that sounded almost like a dying Vulcan squid

"You don't like it?" questioned the Doctor, it's classical 21st century Earth music, an inspiring piece named 'Baby Baby' by the esteemed composer Justin Beiber, you wouldn't know him, you Vulcans seem to have no taste for real classic artists like this.

"I am glad I am not familiar with this artist" grumbled Tuvok "Computer end music…"

to the dismay of the Doctor the computer quickly obliged, Tuvok turned his attention to the two crewmen on the medical tables. Their faces green, sweat trickling from their extremities "These were the crewmen who opened the door to Neelix's quarters…" pondered Tuvok, after a minute it hit him… "These men are dead"

"They are?, but they don't have red shirts on!" exclaimed the Doctor confused, he stuck a few more sedatives into them, "that should do it…" said the Doctor un-convincingly

"I don't know if it was you, or your music that killed them…" He did not stop to ponder the look of anxiety and horror on the doctor's face, quickly taking his leave before anything more… unpleasant should happen. At that moment he remembered his reason for leaving the bridge, he stopped at a consol and selected "Jefferies tube 8" and switched off the oxygen. Not to his surprise upon entering the bridge he found Paris and B'elana fumbling with their uniforms at their posts. Walking with a calm demeanor as if nothing had happened Tuvok strutted over to Janeway who was far too focused on her coffee to notice that Paris, B'elana, and Harry had all re-entered the room Harry with a shiny steel coffee mug gripped tightly in his hands. Confused at the situation Harry paused, gawking at Janeway's full and steaming coffee. Pushing the thought aside Harry approached Janeway, like a hunter as if not to startle a Bull. On about her third sip of her coffee, he broke in.

"So.. Captain, I was wondering, we have been on this ship for some time now, and uh I have noticed that an alien, a Borg, a criminal, and a band of outlaws all have more responsibility than myself… a deck officer." Fumbled Harry, rehearsed as if he has had this thought for some time now.

Janeway turned to Harry, face teeming with rage, trying to seem as if she had just realized his presence. "Have you done anything important that has helped us get home ensign?" she replied

"Well yes, the Astrometrics la-"

"7 of 9" cut in Janeway

"umm the Delta Fly-"

"Paris" cut in Janeway again

"Fair Have-"

"Paris.. again" Sighed Janeway

"I helped the Kraylor-"stumbled Harry grasping for straws

"Don't even get me started on that ensign." Snapped Janeway, the veins pulsating from her temple, "you lost us a trade partner, supplies, food and lost us time in getting home, you would be more likely to be useful scrubbing the sonic showers"

Harry ran from the room tears running down his face, sobbing uncontrollably. Chuckling, Paris put his finger to his ass, making a hissing sound. "Hot!" simultaneously getting fierce looks from both the captain and B'elana, he returned to his consul.

The scene ended, and the laughter ceased, people began to remember why they were in the ready room in the first place. Tuvok found this to be the correct moment,

"I have found conclusive evidence that surely Neelix _was _hiding something from us" A look of discomfort crawled over Tuvoks face, like an ugly bug "it seems that Neelix was… pregnant, captain"

"What?" screamed B'elana, as Paris began chuckling

"It troubles me to say this, but everyone who came in contact with the orange… substance, has been impregnated with a Talaxian this concludes that-"

He was cut off by Janeways coffee cup crashing to the carpet

An expression of shock, disgust and fear plastered over Janeways face

"Holy Fuck…"


End file.
